THE POWER OF LETTING THINGS GO

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How many of you cling to your feelings? Maybe you hold a grudge or always remember an embarrassing situation? Why do you do it? Why? Does reminding yourself of the unpleasant past do anything for your future? Does it foster any good to your present now? 

The answer is NO! In fact, it actually debilitates you even more. Believe it or not, holding on to the things from your past--hold you back. Never truly being able to close the doors of your past, prevent ones from fully opening. If you constantly remind yourself of that asshole who broke your heart, or that argument you had with your mom, or that time  you tried something and failed-- you will never allow yourself the time to heal. Its like getting a cut on the tip of your finger.  If you constantly rub it or bump it into stuff it will never get better. Instead, it actually makes doing anything in the present moment really difficult and vexatious. Like this cut, your past experiences, affect the things your able to accomplish in the now.

They become part of you and part of how you see and experience everything. The negative thing you chose to hold on to from your past become part of your story and before you know it, you begin to internalize those thoughts and feelings. Do you ever wonder why you always tend to have the same kind of relationships with the opposite sex? Do you tend to make the same assumptions or jump to the same conclusions? Maybe your always the one to be on the defense when you talk with your mother? Do you hold yourself back from trying new things because the last time you did you failed? The past that you cling to becomes the present that create.

Instead of welcoming new and exciting possibilities, lets say you become somewhat jaded. Yes, the things you chose to cling to mold the reality you come to live in.  Eventually without even realizing it you even start using your past experience as justifications for your current situation. The things that you cling to hold you accountable to those experiences, and instead of seeing the world anew ---you come to see the world with a little less light. And that dimmed out view of the world in turn comes to affects how you interact with the world and ultimately becomes your justification for how things turn out. What you don't realize in the greater scheme of things, is that, had you not held on to the past, the present would be full of light and therefore how you interact with it would be different and what you received wouldn't be the same! That is why letting go of anything negative must go! Like it never even happened! Allow yourself some amnesia from the negatives in your past. There is no need to haul around all those bad experiences if they don't serve you, don't allow them to linger on.

Letting go is not as hard as it may seem. Bad things happen to everyone. And as far as I know, we can't change them, we can't travel back in time, so why continue to perpetuate them?  Just accept the things that have happened to you in their entirety and accept that there is nothing you can do  to change them and then choose to let them go. Once you’re able to move on and close old doors, new doors will open up, better opportunities will arise, and, most of all, you’ll have a better story to tell. A story that instead of holding you back, is pushing you forwards!

Your mind can be your biggest enemy or your best friend.  Learn how to let go of things that hold you back through writing in my blog post "Free yourself Write". 

Mindfulmess vs. Mindfulness

mind·ful·mess

noun

1. a state of being unconscious or unaware of something 

2. a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the past events and the ones that have yet to come. 

3. Feeling frustrated or disappointed by one's feelings, thoughts, or reactions. 

4. Reacting to moments or events that have already occurred.

mind·ful·ness

noun

1. a state of being conscious or aware of something

2. a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment

3. Calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.

4. Moment by moment awareness in the present. 

Which are you? Lately, I must say I've been more of a 'mindful-mess'. As I am currently adapting to a new home, new people, unusual circumstances and different ideals. I have become more and more aware of my abrupt need to make judgements, my irritability at almost everything and a sense of anxiety about things that have not yet occurred. I’ll be honest, for the longest time I thought I had mastered the art of being mindful, but the recent influx of unusual circumstances have proven me otherwise!

Gone are the days that I paused before I responded as if I couldn't understand what you said. Gone are the days when I walked around taking it all in like it was the first day of spring. Gone are the days where I felt like I could see the future and clearly understand all things. What has happened? Where has my mindfulness gone? Why is my mind such a mess? These questions have begun to oscillate in my head.

Now, be aware that although I may not be as mindful as I once was, the fact that I can acknowledge the lack therein is mindful in itself. So ask yourself these questions: Do you realise when your being mindful? Do you realise when your mind is more of a mess? Are you able to catch yourself in those moments and recognise its not your best?

If your answer is yes. Then you have known what mindfulness is. In fact, we all have. You see, mindfulness is a basic human function that has become not so basic due to all the distractions of the world. As you may already know, mindfulness is rooted in Buddhism and it is considered one of the oldest traditions ever practiced. Back in the day, Buddha believed that mindfulness should be part of everyday life and he believed that it was a key for gaining deep wisdom. Wisdom about life, purpose, people and most importantly wisdom about yourself! 

Although, this idea of being aware of the reality of things in the present moment has had its peaks here and there since the 1970s, it is not just a trend, it has been around for thousands of years and will probably be around for many more. Therefore, it is important for us to be aware of our mindfulness versus our 'mindful-mess' so that we can be fully present in the here and now rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.

Being mindful is a moment-by-moment awareness in the present moment that can be gained or lost depending on us. Yes, like all things in life being mindful takes practice and it takes a lot of work on our behalf. We have to choose to be mindful everyday in anyway we can. You can practice being mindful as you're eating, as you're walking, as you're taking a shower or as you're driving. Use the sensations of breathing as your anchor to the present moment and go from there. Little by little build up on your sensory experience and learn to take them in one by one as they occur. If your not sure where to start read my blog on 'How to be Mindful' for help. 

And, if you are not sure where you lie on a mindfulness vs. 'mindful-mess' scale take this test. Become aware of where you are in your mindfulness and feel free to share your results in the comments section below.

Resilience the Beginning

Resilience is the capacity to recover from difficulties. To thrive despite the mess and chaos of life and also the beauty. To be resilient is something one has to want. No matter where you find yourself in the depth of despair or cloud 9 you have to be cognizant of life. You could be homeless, suffering abuse, newly in love or about to have a baby and a million other possibilities but if you loose sight of who you are and the dream you have for the life you want, you could find yourself broken and desperate. I've suffered the highs and lows of life. I've been homeless and destitute and I've been high on the mountain. 

A fall no matter where you land always hurts. Yes, some falls are further than others; the loss of a loved one, a terminal diagnosis, a breakup or a breakdown. Yes, I've visited all of these scenarios and I've hit rock bottom a number of times. Each time I've climbed back up those mountains over and over again sometimes on my hands and knees, because something inside of me would never give up. 

 That "something" I've learned changes at times but at its root is being selfless. Sounds simple I know. Don't be selfish and I won't need meds or suffer any longer, I can stop self-harming etc. Not exactly, but move out of your head and your own way and the possibilities are endless. This I know is true. Our minds are all capable of the same things. Our brains unless hindered by chemical imbalances we've brought on by ourselves or organic imbalances; can be reconstructed by holistic methods. 

I'm a firm believer in meditation and self-reflection. We must become self-aware and find empathy not only for ourselves but more importantly for others. We must live a life of gratitude. Several years ago I had hit what I thought was rockiest of bottoms. I was depressed, suffering from severe panic attacks and anxiety, I was bulimic, obese and self-harm was an activity I engaged in on a daily basis.

So, I did what all people do I sought out medical help. I went to a psychologist who in forty-five minutes and a co-pay wrote up a prescription; several in fact that turned me into a zombie. My senses were dulled, the light in my eyes was dulled, my soul stolen by an endless supply of prescription medications. My life was diminished and if I stayed this course agoraphobia was right around the corner. 

I knew something had to be better. I knew there had to be more for me and this blessing of life than living unhealthy and unhappy. With the aid of my brother we logged on to our computers and sought alternatives. What we came across was a wealth of knowledge and real sustainable options other than what was being offered to me at the time. 

I started to meditate. I didn't really understand how this could help but I  was ready and willing to try anything to get my life back; not only for myself but for the people I care about and the possibility of a more fulfilling life. That's where being selfless comes in. 

You must dig deep and find something to grab a hold of. What you grab hold of can be anything from a higher power, seeing a sunrise to someone or something you love. If none of those things are viable for you, then hold onto the possibility of what might come in the future. Hold on to hope and let that catapult you into health. I truly believe in a mind, body and soul connection. I believe one can not exist without the other. I believe in you and I believe in me. I know you can do it because  I have done it repeatedly. I'm not perfect! Falling and getting back up is living! I can also tell you that it does get easier after each fall. I continue to climb by using the tools that have worked in the past and new ones I've picked up along the way. 

So if you allow me, I would like to share those tools with you in upcoming posts. I would love to hear from you and I would also love to learn about any of the tools you've picked up along the way that has made you resilient in this thing called life.