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SPIRITUAL WELLNESS
Who are you really without the things you do daily? The clothes you wear? The things you buy? The people whom you choose to spend your time with? Who are you without your overloaded schedule? Your appointments? Your responsibilities to be a “successful” citizen of this world we live in that we have come to call life?
A great Stoic once said “Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of our life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day…”
Stoicism, for those who have not majored in philosophy, is considered a ideology of personal ethics. According to its teachings, we as social beings, can only find happiness in accepting the moment as it presents itself, by not allowing ourselves to be controlled by our desire for pleasure or our fear of pain.
Stoicism incorporates the practice of logic to provoke us to use our minds to understand the world around us and to do our part in nature's plan. By meditating on the contemplation of death the Stoics would train themselves to remain in the present moment. Back in the day, it was more than just a set of beliefs or ethical claims, it was considered more of a way of life.
I know the truth of death is an overwhelming reality for us to wrap our heads around. The fact that you are a mortal being, that will some day cease to exist? It’s hard to swallow. Even as I write it my face cringes.
But my intention here is not so much to focus on the reality of our death, but instead on the power of our life.
“Memento Mori” is a Latin phrase that means “remember that you will die,” “remember that you are mortal”. Now I understand that sounds morbid and as millennials the last thing we want is to be thinking too much about death, especially with today’s culture of youth glorification and the perpetuating consumeristic lie that you can stay young forever. The thought literally sits at odds with the comfortable narrative we have surrounded ourselves with.
However, the truth is, that it is a thought that we all need to be reminded of. The importance in this thought is not so much to focus on the end of things, but instead to focus on the NOW of life. The immense infinite now that we have each and everyday.
This phrase should force you to focus on what you can do NOW, with the life that you have at this given moment.
The HERE and NOW are the things that matter most.
You should be constantly asking yourself: How can I make the here and now really count? How am I letting fear stop me? How am I letting my past weigh me down?
Meditating and acknowledging your morality is only depressing if you miss the point.
Look at it as a way to find perspective in life. See it as a way to identify your priorities, your meaning, and what it is that you want most.
Use this idea as way to see life as a gift-- don't let yourself get lost in the trivial insignificant ordeals of the everyday human existence.
Don't let your vanity consume you.
Realize that you have a certain amount of time to live, so live life in a certain kind of way. Don’t let transient things become distractions. Don’t let drama consume you. Don’t let fear stop you and most of all to let your time escape you. The only truth you need to become conscious of is that life is precious, it is short and you have the power to make the most of it now.
Here are some ways to use “Memento Mori” to seize your life:
Live life with purpose each and everyday. Do things because they are aligned with who you want to be.
Stop making excuses. You never know what is or could be if you don’t try.
Choose not to be a victim. Remember that you are always winning, even when you are losing you have won a new lesson or point of view that you otherwise would not have gotten.
Stop comparing yourself to others, your life is your journey, no one else has to understand it and no one else can live it.
Take action now in anyway, big or small steps count.
Let go of the past that is weighing you down and don’t let it affect your future.
Rethink what your priorities are.
Mediate fully on what you want for yourself and why you want those things.
Finally, as this year comes to and end and a new one begins I invite you to think about all the new ways you can live the life you were meant to live -- today. No one has a better way of provoking this thought other than our dear Steve Jobs, when he reminds us in his famous commencement speech; "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
Questions are an important part of life. If you wish to live a spiritual and mindful life you must never cease to ask questions. Spirituality is an on-going conversation with you and your soul. If you haven´t started you must. I have come up with some questions to help you get the conversation started. During your conversation remember to stop, to listen and to reflect. Don't worry if you do not have all the answers, with time some will come and others will simply arise. Sometimes the questions themselves invoke you to seek out their answers and change your whole perception. Be patient with yourself. Namaste.
What does soul mean to me?
Why do I exist?
What am I grateful for?
How do I define happiness?
What do I truly wish to achieve in my lifetime?
How would I would I like to be remembered?
How often do I let my anger or emotions control what I say and do?
Am I proud of who I am and who I am becoming?
What makes me sad or disappointed about myself?
What is my deepest fear?
Do I spend time alone? Do I enjoy my own company?
If I could do anything and be paid for it, what would I do?
What inspires me?
Who am I really?
Why do I love myself?
Why do people love me?
What is my deepest intention?
Do I offend people or make them feel important?
Do I spend time in nature and reflect often? why? why, not?
Am I a wise person?
Do I care deeply about others?
Growing up in a religious household forces you to ask deep and meaningful questions. After many years away from home, I took my questions somewhere else. In college I got a master in Philosophy and learned about many different world religions and their belief systems. Some I loved, while others I thought were too radical. I picked and chose what I liked from each religion and made it my own. What I realized then, is that spirituality had nothing to do with religion and had everything to do with You.
I don't argue that religion is spiritual and spirituality could be considered religious. However, the fact that one tends to be more personal and private while the other incorporates public rituals and organized doctrines is where I drew the line. Although I feared that maybe I was wrong by not following a specific religion or adhering to a certain dogma. Something inside me felt right. And, that is what Spirituality ultimately is! It is the little feeling inside that you know something is right. Its a voice without words. If you have felt that before that is your religion. Your intuition is your spirituality and tells you subconsciously what is meant for you.
Don't be afraid to feel things. Discover the voice inside you because it is waiting for you to discover it. If you don't know where to start. Start exactly where you are. Make a list of the things that matter to you. Make a list of the things that you love. Make a list of the things that you want and that make you feel alive. That will help you get in touch with yourself and it will open the conversation you need to have. Ask yourself hard questions about life and what it means to you? Reflect on those answers. Spend time alone. Mediate. Stare at the waves in the sea. Give yourself the opportunity to Listen. And soon enough you will start hearing that voice with no sound.
But like all things in life. If you do not try and if you do not practice -- you will never succeed.
"Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity...it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." Melody Beattie
Sitting in a coffee shop in Lincoln Road on a bright and sunny day I received a call from my aunt stating, “ Your Mom just had a seizure she is not looking well, I am scared she is not going to make it.” At that moment, everything started to feel as if it was operating in slow motion, my heart began to race, and I could barely breathe. My aunt continued, “Hurry and get here get on the first flight you can.” My mind began to race, and I immediately started to visualize the worst and thoughts began to cross my mind like wildfire such as “She is going to die,” “You won't be able to say goodbye,” “You should have been there.”
Hearing those words from my aunt I had to choose if I was going to believe in my thoughts of fear or gratitude. I knew that this was where I had to put into practice everything I have learned about gratitude. As the anxiety became prevalent in my mind and body, I started to make a shift. I began to think, “I am grateful that my mom is alive now,” “I am grateful that she is at the hospital and is being taken care of.” Shortly after changing my thoughts, I bought a ticket and started heading home to pack my bags and drive to the airport. Thinking thoughts of gratitude, of course, did not mean that I was happy or feeling good it just allowed me to see clearly and to make decisions to get me to where I needed to be. As I arrived to New York and walked in the hospital, I realized that it was a privilege for me to be able to get on a plane and get to my mother side. I felt gratitude for the fact that she had the luxury of having great doctors, nurses, and staff help her and take care of her. The same applies to everyday life; it is a privilege to have electricity, water, and food to feed our bodies. The more you practice this you will find endless things to feel grateful for.
After this experience, it has helped me feel gratitude on a deeper level than before. Life is challenging with its twist and turns, as many of us will learn. At times we focus so much on what is going wrong and what we need to change that we forget to appreciate the little things in life. Too often we spend our moments together complaining and in the thoughts of self-pity, sadness, and defeat. However, if we want to live radical lives, we must learn to focus on our blessings instead of our troubles. Of course, it’s not easy to do this especially when you experience something for the millionth time, or you’re on the verge of losing a loved one, or life feels as if everything is working against you. But life is not about making changes only if they are comfortable.
Developing the muscle of gratitude is like going to the gym it takes time and practice. As you start to make this change, you will feel uncomfortable, and your mind will struggle with this new way of thinking. How do we begin to live a life of radical gratitude? By starting our days with magnified appreciation. Some people pray and give thanks; I start my day by writing a list of at least ten things I am grateful for. However, you choose to practice gratitude is up to you and the more you do this; the more it becomes a habit. It starts to become your way of being, and you will find yourself not just doing this in the morning but also going through your day giving thanks.
Gratitude transforms your life and works as alchemy in situations of defeat. As I mentioned before, it is not easy, and it never gets easy, but you will be able to enjoy moments to the fullest because you appreciate the fact that you’re even alive. Truth is we will not be here forever, and as we know this intellectually, we must remember this in our hearts.
Years ago when I started this practice, I was experiencing heartbreak and found myself constantly complaining about it. When I read on the Internet about living with gratitude, I started to make my morning gratitude list daily. Now, it is the way that I deal with everything in life. Start today by writing down all the blessings in your life and express appreciation to those you love while you can. Watch as your days start to feel lighter and next time you face hardship elevate your mind by thinking thoughts of appreciation. Spend your days in radical gratitude and you’ll see how life will offer you more blessings than you could have ever imagined.
mind·ful·mess
noun
1. a state of being unconscious or unaware of something
2. a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the past events and the ones that have yet to come.
3. Feeling frustrated or disappointed by one's feelings, thoughts, or reactions.
4. Reacting to moments or events that have already occurred.
mind·ful·ness
noun
1. a state of being conscious or aware of something
2. a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment
3. Calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.
4. Moment by moment awareness in the present.
Which are you? Lately, I must say I've been more of a 'mindful-mess'. As I am currently adapting to a new home, new people, unusual circumstances and different ideals. I have become more and more aware of my abrupt need to make judgements, my irritability at almost everything and a sense of anxiety about things that have not yet occurred. I’ll be honest, for the longest time I thought I had mastered the art of being mindful, but the recent influx of unusual circumstances have proven me otherwise!
Gone are the days that I paused before I responded as if I couldn't understand what you said. Gone are the days when I walked around taking it all in like it was the first day of spring. Gone are the days where I felt like I could see the future and clearly understand all things. What has happened? Where has my mindfulness gone? Why is my mind such a mess? These questions have begun to oscillate in my head.
Now, be aware that although I may not be as mindful as I once was, the fact that I can acknowledge the lack therein is mindful in itself. So ask yourself these questions: Do you realise when your being mindful? Do you realise when your mind is more of a mess? Are you able to catch yourself in those moments and recognise its not your best?
If your answer is yes. Then you have known what mindfulness is. In fact, we all have. You see, mindfulness is a basic human function that has become not so basic due to all the distractions of the world. As you may already know, mindfulness is rooted in Buddhism and it is considered one of the oldest traditions ever practiced. Back in the day, Buddha believed that mindfulness should be part of everyday life and he believed that it was a key for gaining deep wisdom. Wisdom about life, purpose, people and most importantly wisdom about yourself!
Although, this idea of being aware of the reality of things in the present moment has had its peaks here and there since the 1970s, it is not just a trend, it has been around for thousands of years and will probably be around for many more. Therefore, it is important for us to be aware of our mindfulness versus our 'mindful-mess' so that we can be fully present in the here and now rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.
Being mindful is a moment-by-moment awareness in the present moment that can be gained or lost depending on us. Yes, like all things in life being mindful takes practice and it takes a lot of work on our behalf. We have to choose to be mindful everyday in anyway we can. You can practice being mindful as you're eating, as you're walking, as you're taking a shower or as you're driving. Use the sensations of breathing as your anchor to the present moment and go from there. Little by little build up on your sensory experience and learn to take them in one by one as they occur. If your not sure where to start read my blog on 'How to be Mindful' for help.
And, if you are not sure where you lie on a mindfulness vs. 'mindful-mess' scale take this test. Become aware of where you are in your mindfulness and feel free to share your results in the comments section below.
Well, I have and not only did I contemplate it, but I did it for FIVE years. Pretty wild, I know. I heard it all the time, especially from my friends still living in major cities like LA and NYC.
"What? Are you crazy? Your going to live there?'
"Your staying longer?'
"When are you planning to come back to the real world?"
I still remember them asking, while I chuckled to myself from the "non " real part of the world. What was so bad about leaving it all behind? What was I really leaving behind? Pollution? Stress? Unrealistic social ideals? Traffic? Small Talk? A concrete jungle? Instead, I feel I had gained things I would have never be able to find in a city. Like a piece of mind for example. You have any idea how hard those are to come across these days with all the distractions a city has to offer! I also gained some fresh clean tropical air! I bet you didn't see that coming. Yes, my fake part of the world had some really fresh air. And to top it all off I gained TIME! This I must say was one of my most prized possession. I'll get into the importance of time in a later post. But, to gain time in a literal sense is something priceless. I gained time to think, sit, breathe, cook my own meals, explore new hobbies, watch the sunset and rise. I gained time for times' own sake.
Moving to an Island and leaving it all behind was the biggest gain of my life. Now, I won't lie. It is not an easy thing to do and it does require some patience. You see, Island people, because they have so much time-- they tend to take their time-- with everything. From New York City to Dominican Republic the time it took to get a cup of coffee in a coffee shop could drive someone mad. But 'Hey' in exchange for some fresh air-- its okay. You learn to deal. It was hot living on an island so who needs hot coffee anyway...
Most importantly, I must say living on an island really allowed me to stop, think, reflect and figure out what I wanted most from life. Something that I had a very hard time doing in a city. I feel like I was never really doing what I wanted to do. Instead, I feel like I was always doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing (according to the media/masses). In a city your perception of reality is really distorted. Your start believing that the things portrayed on television are real. You convince yourself that success only means money and fame. That people are means to an end and that conversations should be a calculated exchange of boast and praise.
Done were the days where I identified with the social ideals of no one I really knew but myself. By moving to an island I decided to redefine the social constructs that had so indiscreetly hindered me and my true potential. I learned to believe in myself, value my own beliefs, appreciate time, nature and life. And, with that, I realized that I had my own definition of success and they had nothing to do with money or fame.
